Are these the mens rules ?

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Aubergine is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

25. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Are these the mens rules ?amc theatre

gr8 joke. i tried to email debbie, but she does not permit email. probably hiding her bald head behind the "no image" of her profile.

sad that some *** holes go thru the jokes section and pass comments such as she did. tsk tsk.

keep em coming Jake ! kudos!

j

Are these the mens rules ?symphony opera theater

Yeah...LOL! That's gr8
i'm getting dizzy looking only half of the list, why bother?
Lol. I saw this before. Me and this guy were argueing about them. Number 4 is SO false.
Real men have no rules, you p*$$y whipped groveling spineless......I'll be right back, my wife wants me to do the dishes.
its too long...but some are on my list too
I love it thanks for the laugh :)
Seen and read this before but always gives me giggles everytime. Thanks!
You damn straight!
LOL, thanks for the list.
You should have posted these separately so that I could give you 25 Stars!
I hear you loud and clear!!! lol
The natural position for the toilet seat is down and frankly if you sat down when you peed instead of trying to aim (and missing) the bathroom floor around the toilet would be alot cleaner so I suppose as long as your willing to clean up your piss off the floor every day then women would be more likely to compromise on the placement of the seat.

Sunday is for sports and shopping. We should all enjoy the day. If you dont complain about the visa bill we'll help you clean up your after sports mess.

crying isnt blackmail its a natural response to a guy being a pig. Dont try to make excuses for your guilty feelings.

True men know how to listen becuase women arent always looking for a solution. If we want a solution we'll tell you - it really isnt all that complicated. How often do we have to listen to you sympathetically. Its a two way street, get used to it. If you are unable to express empathy or sympathy Im surprized you ever got laid in the first place.

Maybe you cuold turn the tv off for 20 minutes or is your brain incapable of actually thinking about something after 5pm. You want sex when you go to bed but dont even think about doing your part to make your part WANT to share herself with you.

Christopher Columbus did need directions. He went to a completely different area than he originally set out for. With gas at 3.00 a gallon youd think you could put your easily bruised ego on the shelf .

If it itches - do whatever you want but we dont necessarliy need to watch it. Do we make you watch us insert or remove tampons, shave our armpits, -hopefully you get the point.
hahahahaha star
I was going to say, "Wait until I tell your wife what you said!" until I got to the end.

Should I copy this one for MY wallet???
Lol. yes they could be the mens rules but some of them are my rules too. I loved it.
Do you honestly think they will adhere to our rules?????
WOW #8 WAS IT A BRAIN TUMOR??LOL...STILL PRETTY DANG FUNNY!!
hahahaha

while writing all these mens rules where was your wife's ruler(scale)
Short and sweet, just what the lady ordered. NOT! I wish there

were no rules between the sexes. Life was much more simpler before the invention of rules! I have one rule, and one

rule only: Don't read men or womens rules!!!!!
REAL MAN... That was rukus... I always thought about this all the time. Just didnt realize it.. Great!!
no. 23 is defo my bf lol!!!
hahaha

you're on form today

debbie i think you need a bit of loving...drop me a line bute
YAY Good Joke. I love it. Thanks!

My favorites are:

#5 (Hints = bad / being direct = good)

#11 (Guy's if you are ever asked this, the default answer is NO. Just go with it regardless of what the truth is ~ you can always tell one of us later.)

#13, (Pet Peeve, we only know one way, the right way. Any other way would just be a waste of time)

#17, (Any girl who does this I would salute)

#18, (Guessing games = bad / being direct = good)

#20, (Why keep trying for a Blue Ribbon, when we're not even going to the fair?)
Hilarious !! Really good Jake I know my husband would love these.

Happy Valentines Day. Thanks for the great laughs !!
that about sums it up ....lol
lol funny but true
That's awesome!! And we should get Debbie some meds. That's funny as hell!! LOL!!

-Mel
well fine then!! lmmfao!!